We’ve lived in California for ten years and our current Bay Area location for a little over seven years. I should feel like I’m living the dream. I can be in Napa or San Francisco in an hour. People vacation where I live. It is seriously a great location.
Even in the midst of this great location and even greater people, I’ve never really felt settled. I miss being within driving distance from my family. Kansas is really, really far away. I crave dinner with my siblings, watching my nephew play football or having sleepovers at Nana’s house.
Recently, this restlessness has been hard. I’ve felt like it is time to move. I was ready for something new and different We’ve had several instances recently where I could realistically allow myself to think about moving back to the Midwest, but none of the possibilities came to fruition.
I was allowing myself to wallow in the frustrated feelings of staying put. I decided to distract myself a little by studying the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) theme for this year, “A Fierce Flourishing”. I decided to start my study by looking up the words fierce and flourish.
Fierce means "showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity". I am fierce about quite a few things. I fiercely love my family. I am fierce about books I love, literacy education, good coffee, discipleship and MOPS.
Reading the definition for flourish is when God smacked me on the head. The definition read “to grow or develop in a healthy way, especially as a result of a particularly favorable environment.”
As I read that definition again, God started talking to me. He said, “What if I’m keeping you in this place not because I’m not listening to your desires and needs, but because I’ve given you a favorable environment to flourish is and you don’t see it?”
That stopped me dead in my tracks and has made me think a lot. What if this staying isn't because God isn't showing love to me but what if it is because He IS showing love to me and I don't want to see it?
So, right now, instead of having my own private pity party about being where I am, I’m choosing to embrace all that is good and joyful and amazing and fun and wonderful about where I live. I am choosing to be open to what God wants to show me about how, where and when I will flourish here, in this place and at this time. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what or how that looks right now, but I know it will turn out to be just what I need.